( it feels like she hasn't moved for hours βΒ the same grief settling in her as the pain of losing a million berry and the rights to coco village. of losing sanji, dead in the cold. just defeat, plain and simple, that world-ending feeling of a finished thing. complete lack of desire to make any movement that requires any effort. shanks was here earlier, and nami had cried herself to sleep while he watched over her, not unlike the day after the attack on her life during werewolf when shanks safeguarded her prone body, aware that sleep was the enemy for her for awhile. but she'd been happy to wake up to him gone, happy not to be so raw and vulnerable in front of anyone for a bit. she doesn't like crying, she's just naturally inclined towards tragedy. she was born under a cursed sun β having zoro for even a small amount of time always felt too good for her deserving, but it's obvious now, the reason why. it hurts more knowing what she's missing, rather than grieving what she never had.
she's never really alone, because koby's there, and shanks is there, but the only person she really wants to see is sanji. when he shows up, there's a little crack of sunlight through the storm clouds, even if nami still lacks the ambition to move. she sniffs loudly, pained by the love on sanji's face when he pulls her hair back, because he's gentle and soft with her, when he should be angry. this is her fault. and she's been βΒ useless, trying to do anything but suffocate herself on her pillow. she shuts her eyes tight and squeezes out more tears, reaching out a hand to sink her fingers into the fabric of his pants. so, she can do that much. with a little more effort, she manages to put her head in sanji's lap, cheek against his thigh. it's the place to be. )
I should've went to you.
( they both lost the same thing β and yet she's been drowning in her sadness, not having the brain power to think about what sanji must be feeling. it has to be about ten times worse than what she's feeling, and what she's feeling could submerse an island. she makes that babyish whining noise you make before a sob, turning her face to muffle most of it against his thigh. )
Don't tell her. I don't want to be with anyone ( wet eyes cut up to sanji's, her fingers tight in his clothes, like the roots of a tree. ) else.
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she's never really alone, because koby's there, and shanks is there, but the only person she really wants to see is sanji. when he shows up, there's a little crack of sunlight through the storm clouds, even if nami still lacks the ambition to move. she sniffs loudly, pained by the love on sanji's face when he pulls her hair back, because he's gentle and soft with her, when he should be angry. this is her fault. and she's been βΒ useless, trying to do anything but suffocate herself on her pillow. she shuts her eyes tight and squeezes out more tears, reaching out a hand to sink her fingers into the fabric of his pants. so, she can do that much. with a little more effort, she manages to put her head in sanji's lap, cheek against his thigh. it's the place to be. )
I should've went to you.
( they both lost the same thing β and yet she's been drowning in her sadness, not having the brain power to think about what sanji must be feeling. it has to be about ten times worse than what she's feeling, and what she's feeling could submerse an island. she makes that babyish whining noise you make before a sob, turning her face to muffle most of it against his thigh. )
Don't tell her. I don't want to be with anyone ( wet eyes cut up to sanji's, her fingers tight in his clothes, like the roots of a tree. ) else.