( even now it doesn't feel fair, to force sanji to be strong for her while she can barely garner up the energy to breathe. what entitlement does she have to her own existential sadness? wasn't that the old fear โย that sanji and zoro would always care for each other more than they cared for her? it feels like the time to blow the dust off that old insecurity, to shovel all her feelings to the back of her mind and be fully present for sanji, instead. sanji, doing the thing he always does, where he tries to be strong for everyone. he doesn't have to be strong for her โย nami finds, the thought of being another thing on his list of worries sits more like a cannonball in her gut than a comfort. she's work. she's even hard work, difficult and unrewarding. the least she can do is be a shoulder to cry on, instead of slowly drowning herself in his lap.
at length, she works her way to climbing up him, hands grabbing his waist and his jacket, up until she can pull herself into sitting. his expression is miserable, deadened, and she looks at sanji's throat, her perfectly tailored suit. thinking he must be uncomfortable, she sets to undoing his buttons, pushing his suit jacket off his shoulders, loosening his tie and tugging it out from around his neck. she winds it around her knuckles a few times, until it's all raveled up. she doesn't give it back. )
What ... did you ask him?
( her brows pinch together, lashed by his words, by how deeply sanji sees this as his fault. he still doesn't get it โย nami is the curse in their relationship, the centerpoint of all bad things that happen to them. sanji has only ever been good, generous, and too kind. the hand not curled up in his tie reaches to cup his cheek, thumbing the corner of his mouth. )
It's not โย it's not your fault, bunny. Not you. ( crowding into him, she presses her nose against his cheek, affectionately. ) Zoro wouldn't ever leave us, not if he had any choice. Remember, he vowed to protect us? That first night, back at the village. ( weakly, ) Zoro never, ever breaks promises.
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at length, she works her way to climbing up him, hands grabbing his waist and his jacket, up until she can pull herself into sitting. his expression is miserable, deadened, and she looks at sanji's throat, her perfectly tailored suit. thinking he must be uncomfortable, she sets to undoing his buttons, pushing his suit jacket off his shoulders, loosening his tie and tugging it out from around his neck. she winds it around her knuckles a few times, until it's all raveled up. she doesn't give it back. )
What ... did you ask him?
( her brows pinch together, lashed by his words, by how deeply sanji sees this as his fault. he still doesn't get it โย nami is the curse in their relationship, the centerpoint of all bad things that happen to them. sanji has only ever been good, generous, and too kind. the hand not curled up in his tie reaches to cup his cheek, thumbing the corner of his mouth. )
It's not โย it's not your fault, bunny. Not you. ( crowding into him, she presses her nose against his cheek, affectionately. ) Zoro wouldn't ever leave us, not if he had any choice. Remember, he vowed to protect us? That first night, back at the village. ( weakly, ) Zoro never, ever breaks promises.