nami. i just wanted to check up on you. i made a braised rabbit with a blueberry glaze, and i thought i could bring some over if you tell me where you're staying. i'm worried that no one's cooking for you. there's a lot of blood in this meal, so it'll keep you sustained and it should still taste good. there's plenty. if you're staying with friends, there's enough for them, too.
[ there was, and is, the crushing weight of his own depression exacerbated by her sudden abandonment, but anger? anger never crossed his mind, not with her. anger is what he feels when he looks at zoro and tastes blood in his mouth. ]
did losing an eye not teach you enough of a lesson? don't worry about me. don't care about me. i'm fine. you're the one who's down an eye. who's taking care of you?
[ he has an unwanted memory of zoro’s slick mouth on his, hot and salty with blood, his own body thrumming with the kind of want he refuses to put a name to. ]
zoro’s still here. he keeps bringing back the wrong plants when i send him foraging. he said he’s looking for you. but when a woman doesn’t want to be found, she won’t be. i’d still like to make sure you’re cared for. i won’t do anything but give you a few things, if you just tell me a place to meet. is that too much to ask?
( and — she misses sanji's cooking. she deserves to miss it. having just one foot out the door means she always has one back at home with them though, and she yearns to be back there, even if she has no idea how to face sanji. he might not hate her for the way this all played out, but she certainly hates herself enough for the both of them. enough for all three of them, really. )
i'm with gojo and geto.
( below, line by line by line comes a predictably well drawn map, detailing the quickest route from their chosen house, to the one nami is staying at. she's not there right now, and she forces herself to say that's lucky. )
[ she's with — who? geto? sanji has to blink several times at the page to temper his sudden anger that the shady fucking shitbag hadn't said a word about sheltering his crew mate but had been happy to take his pastries back to his flighty fucking husband.
he could have at least said he'd share them with nami, too. ]
are they your friends? i'll come by. i can set the table if you want.
[ because he is so, so desperate to see her face, even if it's just for an evening. ]
( her first mistake was relying on sanji's anger at her leaving him in the night. now that she's faced with his almost brutal understanding, she has no real clue how to behave. it's easier to combat venom with venom — kindness is more difficult, because it envelopes nami like a warm blanket. she doesn't want to shuck it off. )
it's hard for me. this is the second time you've taken care of me since we've been here. i just
don't know how to repay you for something i wish you didn't do. i need space. you don't have to do anything. i don't mean to punish you. it seems like being my friend is punishment enough.
friends don't keep a tally of imaginary debts. you don't have to repay anything. you don't owe anything. i didn't want to live without you. that was my selfish choice.
( she scribbles out the map she drew, shuts her notebook, and goes to find something she can stab in the woods, be it animal, human, or tree. she's heard about the shapeshifting ritual that involves stuffing the organs of animals in your chest cavity, which is a solution — she'll enjoy the pain, and being anyone else for a little while. )
[ that. might feel worse than when maria ripped his eye out.
he finds his way to geto and gojo's anyway, dropping several baskets of food off — the rabbit with the berry glaze, along with a variety of blood-ribboned pastries, sugared fruit jarred in sweetened blood, some sachets for tea, and a fresh bouquet of colorful wildflowers, carefully bundled together.
he lingers only for a little while before turning to the path back home, somehow feeling as though his presence would hurt nami more than his absence. it should be easy to walk away — after all, he's had a lifetime to practice staying away from where he isn't wanted. ]
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text — un: SANJI
i made a braised rabbit with a blueberry glaze, and i thought i could bring some over if you tell me where you're staying. i'm worried that no one's cooking for you. there's a lot of blood in this meal, so it'll keep you sustained and it should still taste good.
there's plenty. if you're staying with friends, there's enough for them, too.
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aren't you mad at me?
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what kind of man gets angry at a woman?
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( what kind of person doesn't get mad at someone for leaving them, specifically because they're a woman ?? )
you don't have to cook for me. i'm fine.
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i'm the straw hats' cook. you're a straw hat.
i'm going to cook for you. you don't have to eat slop just because you're not here.
are you alone?
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don't worry about me. don't care about me. i'm fine. you're the one who's down an eye. who's taking care of you?
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zoro’s still here. he keeps bringing back the wrong plants when i send him foraging.
he said he’s looking for you. but when a woman doesn’t want to be found, she won’t be.
i’d still like to make sure you’re cared for. i won’t do anything but give you a few things, if you just tell me a place to meet.
is that too much to ask?
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i hurt you. i made you do something horrible.
you should hate me. you shouldn't feed me.
please stop
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none of this has anything to do with feeding you.
everyone deserves good food, and no one else can make it like i do.
what have you been eating?
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( and — she misses sanji's cooking. she deserves to miss it. having just one foot out the door means she always has one back at home with them though, and she yearns to be back there, even if she has no idea how to face sanji. he might not hate her for the way this all played out, but she certainly hates herself enough for the both of them. enough for all three of them, really. )
i'm with gojo and geto.
( below, line by line by line comes a predictably well drawn map, detailing the quickest route from their chosen house, to the one nami is staying at. she's not there right now, and she forces herself to say that's lucky. )
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he could have at least said he'd share them with nami, too. ]
are they your friends?
i'll come by. i can set the table if you want.
[ because he is so, so desperate to see her face, even if it's just for an evening. ]
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( "friends" is a bit of a stretch. )
i'm not there right now. don't wait up.
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[ don't you want to see me? is it that bad to look at me? am i that bad now? ]
what can i do to make this right?
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( her first mistake was relying on sanji's anger at her leaving him in the night. now that she's faced with his almost brutal understanding, she has no real clue how to behave. it's easier to combat venom with venom — kindness is more difficult, because it envelopes nami like a warm blanket. she doesn't want to shuck it off. )
it's hard for me. this is the second time you've taken care of me since we've been here. i just
don't know how to repay you for something i wish you didn't do. i need space. you don't have to do anything.
i don't mean to punish you. it seems like being my friend is punishment enough.
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you don't have to repay anything. you don't owe anything.
i didn't want to live without you. that was my selfish choice.
[ then, desperate and knowing he shouldn't — ]
i love you.
please don't throw me away.
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what )
i can't
i can't do this right now.
( she scribbles out the map she drew, shuts her notebook, and goes to find something she can stab in the woods, be it animal, human, or tree. she's heard about the shapeshifting ritual that involves stuffing the organs of animals in your chest cavity, which is a solution — she'll enjoy the pain, and being anyone else for a little while. )
no subject
he finds his way to geto and gojo's anyway, dropping several baskets of food off — the rabbit with the berry glaze, along with a variety of blood-ribboned pastries, sugared fruit jarred in sweetened blood, some sachets for tea, and a fresh bouquet of colorful wildflowers, carefully bundled together.
he lingers only for a little while before turning to the path back home, somehow feeling as though his presence would hurt nami more than his absence. it should be easy to walk away — after all, he's had a lifetime to practice staying away from where he isn't wanted. ]