he needs more than what we have, so it's more important that i go hunting. besides, he'd love for you to feed him. and if you could check his bandages, too. just to see how his wounds are coming along.
you can't go! it's freezing outside. literally. i'm a changeling, nami. i have sharp teeth and my legs are even stronger than before. it makes more sense that i go out to hunt.
there's nothing i need to make up with zoro about. i've been feeding him this whole time.
i don't want you to go, either. you've been working yourself to the bone. i'll be fine.
he showed me your messages. you compared kissing him to all the awful things that have been done to us in this terrible place. you can just be into zoro. it's fine. it doesn't mean this place is messing with your head.
itās my job to cook for you. for you both. if i didnāt want to, i wouldnāt have accepted luffyās offer.
i meant everything i said. and that was meant just for him. i know you want to help, but you donāt have to get yourself involved. everythingās fine.
a cook knows how to source and prepare his own ingredients. anyway, iām teaching bee the basics. someone needs to look after zoro.
zoro doesnāt know how to be upset. and i was lying. i didnāt mean to tell you, or else i would have. it doesnāt involve you, nami. itās a stupid misunderstanding between zoro and i, and if he needs it spelled out for him, then iāll spell it out for him. after i get back.
nami, don't. it's dangerous and you'll get hurt. the magic here is unreliable. stay here with zoro.
[ the words appear on the page before he can stop himself from writing them, far too demanding to be directed at nami. immediate guilt seizes him, coiling around the brittle anger taking shape in his bones. ]
why does it matter to you so much? do you need me to want him?
it matters to me because your feelings matter to me. zoroās feelings matter to me too. weāre friends, no matter what happens. weāre not supposed to hurt each other. all i need from you is the truth.
( nami was under the presumption they were going to do the civilized thing and pretend like that never happened. well. egg on her face. she onto scowls at her notebook because she has the exact same inclination sanji has when he doesnāt want to face something ā turning tail and running full speed in the opposite direction. )
weāre not talking about us. weāre talking about you and zoro.
( she weighs briefly on whether or not she thinks sanji is a pro at misdirection, at subterfuge (she does). still, if something is wrong, that takes precedent. it has to. )
what do you mean? it feels the same for me.
( brief, insecure panic. what changed? nami? sanjiās feelings?)
iām putting all my effort into not letting him die. i donāt know what else you want from me. is there something i havenāt been giving you? when youāre not happy with me, i can feel it. i used to be able to feel it all.
i haven't been happy with you because iāve been angry with you. because you hurt zoroās feelings. what else do you want from me? i canāt get rid of my connection to zoro. i donāt know when things got so complicated but iām trying, here.
( sanjiās voice, in the back of her mind. are you, though? i lost my eye for you. i lost my hands for zoro. what have you given up recently? )
you're angry at me because of that shitty idiot? because i want to be with you?
[ he tries to write and not him, but. the words won't come. besides, the feeling of nami being angry at him is ruinous, like a smack in the face after he's tried so hard to be what she needs. giving, but not suffocating. loving, but not saying it anymore. until now, anyway. can she really not feel their tether fraying? his cravings for blood have gotten worse, and he's chalked it up to deprivation, but maybe it's just that their connection isn't good anymore. maybe he ruined it with how much he's been thinking of zoro lately. ]
you have to tell me when i'm not being what you want. i'm not mad at you. i just don't know your conditions. is it zoro? do you want me to be with him like you are? will that finally make you happy?
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besides, he'd love for you to feed him. and if you could check his bandages, too.
just to see how his wounds are coming along.
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i'll go hunting. you and zoro need to make up.
unless you think i can't hunt as well as you?
( this is a set up š )
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you can't go! it's freezing outside. literally.
i'm a changeling, nami. i have sharp teeth and my legs are even stronger than before.
it makes more sense that i go out to hunt.
there's nothing i need to make up with zoro about.
i've been feeding him this whole time.
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it makes more sense if we switch off.
so you apologized for the nasty things you said to him?
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i just got you back.
[ 1 pregnant pause. ]
what exactly did he tell you?
i havenāt said anything that warrants an apology.
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i'll be fine.
he showed me your messages. you compared kissing him to all the awful things that have been done to us in this terrible place.
you can just be into zoro. it's fine. it doesn't mean this place is messing with your head.
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if i didnāt want to, i wouldnāt have accepted luffyās offer.
i meant everything i said. and that was meant just for him.
i know you want to help, but you donāt have to get yourself involved.
everythingās fine.
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you said you meant to tell me. in the text.
and it does involve me. zoro was upset. i was upset.
because i know youāre lying, even now.
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anyway, iām teaching bee the basics.
someone needs to look after zoro.
zoro doesnāt know how to be upset. and i was lying. i didnāt mean to tell you, or else i would have.
it doesnāt involve you, nami. itās a stupid misunderstanding between zoro and i, and if he needs it spelled out for him, then iāll spell it out for him.
after i get back.
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i was there too. how could it not involve me?
why are you so ashamed? thereās nothing wrong with it.
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do we need more firewood for the bedroom? i can chop that before i go.
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donāt we mean anything to you?
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if you want to pretend like you donāt like him, you could at least have the decency to say it in a less shitty way.
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the magic here is unreliable. stay here with zoro.
[ the words appear on the page before he can stop himself from writing them, far too demanding to be directed at nami. immediate guilt seizes him, coiling around the brittle anger taking shape in his bones. ]
why does it matter to you so much?
do you need me to want him?
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weāre friends, no matter what happens. weāre not supposed to hurt each other.
all i need from you is the truth.
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weāre not talking about us. weāre talking about you and zoro.
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i'll handle whatever is between zoro and i.
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what do you mean? it feels the same for me.
( brief, insecure panic. what changed? nami? sanjiās feelings?)
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is there something i havenāt been giving you? when youāre not happy with me, i can feel it.
i used to be able to feel it all.
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what else do you want from me? i canāt get rid of my connection to zoro. i donāt know when things got so complicated but iām trying, here.
( sanjiās voice, in the back of her mind. are you, though? i lost my eye for you. i lost my hands for zoro. what have you given up recently? )
are you mad at me?
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because i want to be with you?
[ he tries to write and not him, but. the words won't come. besides, the feeling of nami being angry at him is ruinous, like a smack in the face after he's tried so hard to be what she needs. giving, but not suffocating. loving, but not saying it anymore. until now, anyway. can she really not feel their tether fraying? his cravings for blood have gotten worse, and he's chalked it up to deprivation, but maybe it's just that their connection isn't good anymore. maybe he ruined it with how much he's been thinking of zoro lately. ]
you have to tell me when i'm not being what you want.
i'm not mad at you. i just don't know your conditions.
is it zoro? do you want me to be with him like you are?
will that finally make you happy?
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