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[The gift comes wrapped meticulously in paper that, while not strictly holiday-themed is nevertheless very appropriate, considering who it’s from. The gift is inside, nestled in pale blue tissue paper: An assortment of candied fruit, nuts and chocolates from the faire, for those of his friends who actually eat. For those who don’t, this portion of the gift is replaced with a simple calendar.
For Nami, an entirely unsuitable-for-the-current-weather dress, and, in a velvet box, a ring. The tiny gem chips are familiar colors – yellow, green, pink, orange, blue and red – clearly meant to evoke everyone from their world.
The note, on thick, cream-colored card stock, is in a somewhat wobbly, but earnest hand:]
The note, on thick, cream-colored card stock, is in a somewhat wobbly, but earnest hand:]
Nami -
I’m giving this in the hopes that this place isn’t like the village, and that spring is going to come again, eventually. Spring and maybe summer, if we’re lucky. I feel sort of bad to think about this place being somewhere I want to stay, especially since it’s caused so much pain to people I love – especially you. Especially recently.
But I’m selfish, Nami. I’m a selfish, needy, greedy person, because I don’t want to give any of this up. I don’t want to go back to a world where we’re enemies, or where we don’t know each other. I want to wake up from a bad dream and know that you’re just a few doors down, if I need you. I want to stay up too late painting your nails and listening to you complain about the latest dumb thing the boys have done. I want you to boss me around at work and make fun of me when I cry for stupid reasons and I want that forever and ever and ever.
And if I can’t have that forever, I want it right now, as much as I can. So there’s nothing you could ever do or say or be that’s going to make me not want to be close to you. Nothing at all, Nami. I promise.
I know you heard me when I said it, but I love you. Now you have it in writing, forever.
Merry Christmas.
-Koby
( in the wee hours of the morning on christmas day, wally leaves a small giftbox wrapped in appropriately-themed paper containing a glass tangerine ornament, alongside an unwrapped bonsai orange tree. a tag hangs from one of the branches indicating TO: NAMI, FROM: WALLY. tucked under the ribbon adorning the box is an envelope addressed to nami with a bonsai care guide booklet inside and a card that reads: )
Nami —
A little birdy (sealy?) told me you like tangerines, so — just a couple things to brighten up your room. Remind you of home. I know we could all use a few reminders this time of year.
I got a basic care guide for you, too, since I wouldn't know the first thing about bonsai. I hear they can be tricky. But if you can handle a bunch of pirates, you can handle anything.
Merry Christmas!
— Wally
[ One afternoon, Astarion turns up at Dead Men Tell No Tales with a prettily-wrapped little box and a bunch of flowers, asking for Nami. When she appears, he hands both over with a visible sort of relief. Courtesy of your blue-braided friend, he says, curtailing any idea that he might be attempting to court or cozy up to the pirate of his own accord.
Inside the box is a bottle shaped like an orange slice, containing an appropriately citrus-y scent — as requested by its actual gifter. ]
Inside the box is a bottle shaped like an orange slice, containing an appropriately citrus-y scent — as requested by its actual gifter. ]
( why would you bring up the thing she's trying not to think about )
yeah
i do
( trying to find different angles to poke at this particular elephant in the room. eventually, nami finds the middle road between directly addressing it and ignoring it altogether. )
we should probably talk about it
right?
yeah
i do
( trying to find different angles to poke at this particular elephant in the room. eventually, nami finds the middle road between directly addressing it and ignoring it altogether. )
we should probably talk about it
right?
I assume Vander hasn't shown up for his shift.
[ Not really a question, not really a statement. Maybe he's just looking for confirmation. ]
[ Not really a question, not really a statement. Maybe he's just looking for confirmation. ]
[ It's better this way. Better that Nami doesn't think much of his connection to Vander — that everyone does. Still, there's a pause before the reply (a memory of an aborted phone call, the strangeness of seeing him hale and whole): ]
I suppose so.
Thank you, Nami.
I suppose so.
Thank you, Nami.
ha 🧡
( img attached (nsfw) )
don’t even get me started. he’s in love with her, it’s a whole thing
is he talking about her to you?
( img attached (nsfw) )
don’t even get me started. he’s in love with her, it’s a whole thing
is he talking about her to you?
yeah
him and spike 🙄
[ and she’s not not jealous, that little miss prom queen has every guy in the manor falling over her while she spews vitriol on the network.
and even if she gets picking alina over herself — choosing her over nami? that’s crazy. ]
ur sooooo
🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵
i’ve never thought anybody was as pretty as u nami
him and spike 🙄
[ and she’s not not jealous, that little miss prom queen has every guy in the manor falling over her while she spews vitriol on the network.
and even if she gets picking alina over herself — choosing her over nami? that’s crazy. ]
ur sooooo
🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵
i’ve never thought anybody was as pretty as u nami
( it's like a blip on a radar suddenly vanishes, replaced only by an uneasy emptiness knowing zoro's familiar green presence is somewhere far beyond shanks' reach now. home, they can all hope. with luffy and usopp. but none of them can be entirely certain. (can't be certain they won't return to the village instead.)
so whenever it is that he feels that absence — whether morning, noon, or the dead of night — his first thought is nami. regardless of how she feels about him at this particular moment, she deserves to know before panic sets in. he'll check in with the others later, or let koby handle it. shanks owes this to her. he owes her a lot of things. )
Zoro's presence is gone.
Back to the Merry, I hope.
( a slight delay, dots blinking intermittently, like he's unsure if he's even allowed to ask: )
Will you be alright?
so whenever it is that he feels that absence — whether morning, noon, or the dead of night — his first thought is nami. regardless of how she feels about him at this particular moment, she deserves to know before panic sets in. he'll check in with the others later, or let koby handle it. shanks owes this to her. he owes her a lot of things. )
Zoro's presence is gone.
Back to the Merry, I hope.
( a slight delay, dots blinking intermittently, like he's unsure if he's even allowed to ask: )
Will you be alright?
( the fact of the matter doesn't exactly hit nami until a few rereads later, the words going blurry. gone? she's not the type to take shanks' word for it, so she seeks out zoro's room, greeted instead by the cleanliness of an expertly manicured room, completely void of personality. he's been a ghost these past few months anyway, and nami was under the impression that time would mend the wounds that january left on all of them. now, the disregard in that belief hits her like a palm to the face, stinging and hot. zoro was distant, but she was distant too. cold. too easy to interpret as uncaring, her natural inclination in life.
she was terrible, she thinks. all in hindsight. zoro left not knowing how much she loves him. zoro left, completely alone. )
no
( she makes it back to her room in a trance, falls onto her bed, and weeps. )
she was terrible, she thinks. all in hindsight. zoro left not knowing how much she loves him. zoro left, completely alone. )
no
( she makes it back to her room in a trance, falls onto her bed, and weeps. )
( he could reach out, let the weight of nami's grief and guilt crash into him like a typhoon, but there's something invasive about it he can't shake. intrusive, in a way he isn't sure he's earned. instead, he opens himself up, like sunlight breaking through a thick canopy, a steady beam of warmth, a blanket to wrap around her shoulders and say i'm still here, i'll take care of you.
he knows, too well, what it is to lose someone you love, after all. what that ache feels like. the guilt. the regret. (buggy left, completely alone.) zoro isn't dead — shanks would have felt that, too — but his absence is just as devastating. alive somewhere that isn't here, and so far out of their reach. not knowing if they'll ever see him again. so many things unsaid. (they're the same that way, him and nami. they should have said more in the time they had.)
but none of that he can convey well enough through text. so, after some time, he simply shows up at nami's door. the soft orange glow of her presence is duller than it usually is, but it still led him here. )
Nami? ( there's a light knock at the door; a bit difficult while his hand is currently occupied with a warm glass of spiked orange tea. she may not want to see him, but he's here anyway. that's what parents do when their child is grieving. ) Open the door. Please. ( a beat, then: ) I brought you tea.
he knows, too well, what it is to lose someone you love, after all. what that ache feels like. the guilt. the regret. (buggy left, completely alone.) zoro isn't dead — shanks would have felt that, too — but his absence is just as devastating. alive somewhere that isn't here, and so far out of their reach. not knowing if they'll ever see him again. so many things unsaid. (they're the same that way, him and nami. they should have said more in the time they had.)
but none of that he can convey well enough through text. so, after some time, he simply shows up at nami's door. the soft orange glow of her presence is duller than it usually is, but it still led him here. )
Nami? ( there's a light knock at the door; a bit difficult while his hand is currently occupied with a warm glass of spiked orange tea. she may not want to see him, but he's here anyway. that's what parents do when their child is grieving. ) Open the door. Please. ( a beat, then: ) I brought you tea.
[koby feels it one after another -- the absence of that soft, mossygreen light in his consciousness, stoic and solemn and steady, and the ripple of agony through tangerineorange when nami finds out. his head aches, his back singed and bandaged up, but some things are more important.
the bleed of blushing pink, reaching out, aching, sorrowful, accompanies the message:]
Nami, I'm sorry.
I'm so, so, sorry.
Where are you? [he knows, of course he already knows, he means will you let me come see you?]
the bleed of blushing pink, reaching out, aching, sorrowful, accompanies the message:]
Nami, I'm sorry.
I'm so, so, sorry.
Where are you? [he knows, of course he already knows, he means will you let me come see you?]
( she splits the goal post on feeling — half crying because she misses him, half sucking it up because she's not entitled to her feelings. it makes a kind of hurricane in her, hot air and cold, not exactly sobbing but making choking sounds against her bedspread. no roommate she's ever received has stuck around past the month mark, so she's not worried about the sound reaching someone else. she wants nothing so much to stay here and rot for the next foreseeable while, feeling sorry for herself, and then for zoro, especially for zoro. he was the one who had to deal with her, after all. maybe he's better off without.
she's not looking at her phone. the texts go unanswered, and probably will for a long time. but — koby's presence is there, not loud but comforting, and nami leans into it instinctively, without thinking, like pressing into a hug you don't deserve and can't admit that you want. )
she's not looking at her phone. the texts go unanswered, and probably will for a long time. but — koby's presence is there, not loud but comforting, and nami leans into it instinctively, without thinking, like pressing into a hug you don't deserve and can't admit that you want. )
[if it were him -- well, if it were koby, he'd be unmoored, aimless, a ship without a rudder, desperately clinging to anything to keep him afloat. he'd find someone to cocoon himself into and sob for hours and hours if it were someone he loved that much (and it is, it's his crew, it's zoro who he's never going to see again but if he thinks about that too much he'll die).
nami's grief is prickly like a wary stray cat, wrapped in self-sufficiency, shielded with armor she's had years and years to build, and yet: there, a chink, a crack, a gap. she doesn't recoil from the soft warmth of his presence, leans into it sideways, and koby makes it small and soft and gentle, a blanket around her shoulders, a breeze ruffling her hair, blushing pink that cradles her teary cheeks and kisses her forehead and murmurs hereherehere. and then it settles, it stays, quiet and unobtrusive and soft, loveyouloveyouloveyou.]
nami's grief is prickly like a wary stray cat, wrapped in self-sufficiency, shielded with armor she's had years and years to build, and yet: there, a chink, a crack, a gap. she doesn't recoil from the soft warmth of his presence, leans into it sideways, and koby makes it small and soft and gentle, a blanket around her shoulders, a breeze ruffling her hair, blushing pink that cradles her teary cheeks and kisses her forehead and murmurs hereherehere. and then it settles, it stays, quiet and unobtrusive and soft, loveyouloveyouloveyou.]
[ he takes his time with the tray, knowing nami won’t have an appetite, won’t even want to think about eating, so he has to make it extra special, extra appealing, extra… just extra. extra good, to make up for all the ways he’s failed, lately. savory quiches and chocolate scones. raspberry rose cream tea, and chamomile lemon for later, when she wants to sleep. a circular arrangement of finger sandwiches, for anyone else annoying enough to show up. he sets out little pots of clotted cream, sugar and honey, freshly polished utensils and linen napkins, neatly folded. it’s perfect, if it was a normal day, and he was asking nami to spend the afternoon with him on the lawn for a romantic tea party.
he stabs his cigarette into the overfull ashtray and lights another, huffing out a cloud of smoke. there’s no wasting all this food, so he covers the tray and hoists it up with one hand. somebody will eat it. and if nobody does, then sanji will eat it. he has no preference, and he only has to take into account what nami likes now, even if he knows all of zoro’s favorite recipes and could make them in his sleep.
it’s only because he’s holding the food that he doesn’t stop to kick the wall, his eyes flinty and his mouth hard. his trek to nami’s room is silent, passing by in a trail of smoke, and he pauses outside of her door for a brief moment so that when he turns the knob and lets himself in, there’s a gentle expression on his face. ]
Nami. I brought you a few things. [ he busies himself setting out the gleaming tray, turning over one warmed teacup to pour out the steaming pink liquid, sweetening it with sugar the way she likes it. with a quiet clink, he sets the saucer and cup at her bedside, then notices there’s already tea there. some shitty kind that he recognizes from shanks. he bristles. ] There’s food, for when you get hungry.
[ she’s a miserable lump on the bed, sanji’s chest tightening at the sight, and when he leans down to tug the covers down and brush her hair from her eyes, they’re red from crying. ]
I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I had to… [ he had to what? yell at koby? fetch zoro’s stupid sword that he’d left on his bed that he’d never, ever find? play back every moment in the snow a hundred times over that caused zoro to leave them both? his eyes prickle hotly, and he takes a deep drag of his cigarette and sits on the bed. ] I’m sorry. I’ll close the restaurant tomorrow. I don’t know where Jinx is.
he stabs his cigarette into the overfull ashtray and lights another, huffing out a cloud of smoke. there’s no wasting all this food, so he covers the tray and hoists it up with one hand. somebody will eat it. and if nobody does, then sanji will eat it. he has no preference, and he only has to take into account what nami likes now, even if he knows all of zoro’s favorite recipes and could make them in his sleep.
it’s only because he’s holding the food that he doesn’t stop to kick the wall, his eyes flinty and his mouth hard. his trek to nami’s room is silent, passing by in a trail of smoke, and he pauses outside of her door for a brief moment so that when he turns the knob and lets himself in, there’s a gentle expression on his face. ]
Nami. I brought you a few things. [ he busies himself setting out the gleaming tray, turning over one warmed teacup to pour out the steaming pink liquid, sweetening it with sugar the way she likes it. with a quiet clink, he sets the saucer and cup at her bedside, then notices there’s already tea there. some shitty kind that he recognizes from shanks. he bristles. ] There’s food, for when you get hungry.
[ she’s a miserable lump on the bed, sanji’s chest tightening at the sight, and when he leans down to tug the covers down and brush her hair from her eyes, they’re red from crying. ]
I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I had to… [ he had to what? yell at koby? fetch zoro’s stupid sword that he’d left on his bed that he’d never, ever find? play back every moment in the snow a hundred times over that caused zoro to leave them both? his eyes prickle hotly, and he takes a deep drag of his cigarette and sits on the bed. ] I’m sorry. I’ll close the restaurant tomorrow. I don’t know where Jinx is.
( it feels like she hasn't moved for hours — the same grief settling in her as the pain of losing a million berry and the rights to coco village. of losing sanji, dead in the cold. just defeat, plain and simple, that world-ending feeling of a finished thing. complete lack of desire to make any movement that requires any effort. shanks was here earlier, and nami had cried herself to sleep while he watched over her, not unlike the day after the attack on her life during werewolf when shanks safeguarded her prone body, aware that sleep was the enemy for her for awhile. but she'd been happy to wake up to him gone, happy not to be so raw and vulnerable in front of anyone for a bit. she doesn't like crying, she's just naturally inclined towards tragedy. she was born under a cursed sun — having zoro for even a small amount of time always felt too good for her deserving, but it's obvious now, the reason why. it hurts more knowing what she's missing, rather than grieving what she never had.
she's never really alone, because koby's there, and shanks is there, but the only person she really wants to see is sanji. when he shows up, there's a little crack of sunlight through the storm clouds, even if nami still lacks the ambition to move. she sniffs loudly, pained by the love on sanji's face when he pulls her hair back, because he's gentle and soft with her, when he should be angry. this is her fault. and she's been — useless, trying to do anything but suffocate herself on her pillow. she shuts her eyes tight and squeezes out more tears, reaching out a hand to sink her fingers into the fabric of his pants. so, she can do that much. with a little more effort, she manages to put her head in sanji's lap, cheek against his thigh. it's the place to be. )
I should've went to you.
( they both lost the same thing — and yet she's been drowning in her sadness, not having the brain power to think about what sanji must be feeling. it has to be about ten times worse than what she's feeling, and what she's feeling could submerse an island. she makes that babyish whining noise you make before a sob, turning her face to muffle most of it against his thigh. )
Don't tell her. I don't want to be with anyone ( wet eyes cut up to sanji's, her fingers tight in his clothes, like the roots of a tree. ) else.
she's never really alone, because koby's there, and shanks is there, but the only person she really wants to see is sanji. when he shows up, there's a little crack of sunlight through the storm clouds, even if nami still lacks the ambition to move. she sniffs loudly, pained by the love on sanji's face when he pulls her hair back, because he's gentle and soft with her, when he should be angry. this is her fault. and she's been — useless, trying to do anything but suffocate herself on her pillow. she shuts her eyes tight and squeezes out more tears, reaching out a hand to sink her fingers into the fabric of his pants. so, she can do that much. with a little more effort, she manages to put her head in sanji's lap, cheek against his thigh. it's the place to be. )
I should've went to you.
( they both lost the same thing — and yet she's been drowning in her sadness, not having the brain power to think about what sanji must be feeling. it has to be about ten times worse than what she's feeling, and what she's feeling could submerse an island. she makes that babyish whining noise you make before a sob, turning her face to muffle most of it against his thigh. )
Don't tell her. I don't want to be with anyone ( wet eyes cut up to sanji's, her fingers tight in his clothes, like the roots of a tree. ) else.
[ her head in his lap is the softest thing he’s felt all day, after ripping at the threads of his own wounds in search of the exact moment he drove zoro away. it shouldn’t be such a surprising thing, unlovable and unwanted as he is, plucked out of the vinsmoke line like rotten fruit. the shocking part is that zoro could ever leave nami, which makes how he forced zoro’s hand even more reprehensible. how hard could it have been to end his own life? dying is hardly the worst thing that’s happened to him. he should’ve been stronger. should’ve been better. shouldn’t have made that night anyone else’s problem but his own.
his fingers ease through her hair and trace the faded tear tracks on her cheeks, traveling down the starry constellation of freckles adorning her skin. he feels like he’s been kicked right through the chest, a hole blowing him wide open, and still the moment he looks at her, the tide of love he feels makes his breath catch and his heart give a painful squeeze. ]
Don’t be silly. It’s not as comfortable in the restaurant. [ it’s where he’s spent his time since koby broke the news, because the alternative is his shared suite that’s now attached to an empty room where sanji used to crawl into a bed that smelled like fresh grass and beer. it smells like nothing now, just linens and the lemony scent of a fresh cleaning. ] I’d much rather be here. Besides, I’ll always be wherever you are.
[ tears stick to his lashes at the sound that comes from nami’s mouth, at the hurt pulsing deep within her that he can’t reach out and touch. smoke wafts from his mouth as he balances his cigarette on the edge of the cold teacup leftover from earlier, then curls down and presses a kiss to her temple. ]
I won’t tell her. [ not because she shouldn’t know, but because it might hurt jinx to think that nami is keeping her out. ] Not now. It can be just the two of us tonight, if that’s what you want.
[ just two. even that tastes like ash in his mouth, like a part of his heart has permanently ruptured. zoro was never even meant to live there, much less become a vital part of keeping it beating. his face grows hot again even as he tries his best not to cry, reaching for his cigarette again. ]
I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you. [ he imagines koby kicking the door down for defying his direct orders. his fingers curl gently in nami’s hair, soothing against the base of her skull. his eyes rest upon the tea party spread across the table. ] I asked Zoro to do something awful for me. I shouldn’t have. I was always selfish with him, and you were always good to him. I’m sorry that — I’m sorry that I drove him away with my… I’m sorry that I took him from you. I was never good to him. Not even in the end.
his fingers ease through her hair and trace the faded tear tracks on her cheeks, traveling down the starry constellation of freckles adorning her skin. he feels like he’s been kicked right through the chest, a hole blowing him wide open, and still the moment he looks at her, the tide of love he feels makes his breath catch and his heart give a painful squeeze. ]
Don’t be silly. It’s not as comfortable in the restaurant. [ it’s where he’s spent his time since koby broke the news, because the alternative is his shared suite that’s now attached to an empty room where sanji used to crawl into a bed that smelled like fresh grass and beer. it smells like nothing now, just linens and the lemony scent of a fresh cleaning. ] I’d much rather be here. Besides, I’ll always be wherever you are.
[ tears stick to his lashes at the sound that comes from nami’s mouth, at the hurt pulsing deep within her that he can’t reach out and touch. smoke wafts from his mouth as he balances his cigarette on the edge of the cold teacup leftover from earlier, then curls down and presses a kiss to her temple. ]
I won’t tell her. [ not because she shouldn’t know, but because it might hurt jinx to think that nami is keeping her out. ] Not now. It can be just the two of us tonight, if that’s what you want.
[ just two. even that tastes like ash in his mouth, like a part of his heart has permanently ruptured. zoro was never even meant to live there, much less become a vital part of keeping it beating. his face grows hot again even as he tries his best not to cry, reaching for his cigarette again. ]
I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you. [ he imagines koby kicking the door down for defying his direct orders. his fingers curl gently in nami’s hair, soothing against the base of her skull. his eyes rest upon the tea party spread across the table. ] I asked Zoro to do something awful for me. I shouldn’t have. I was always selfish with him, and you were always good to him. I’m sorry that — I’m sorry that I drove him away with my… I’m sorry that I took him from you. I was never good to him. Not even in the end.
Edited 2025-05-21 23:48 (UTC)
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